To Save You
by Ravenus
Summary: <html><head></head>This is set at the beginning of Season 8 when Cas tells Dean that he had chosen to stay in purgatory and that Dean cannot save everybody. Dean nearly blurts out what he feels for Cas and the angel comes back to him to hear what Dean was about to say before he rushed off. Rated M. Complete.</html>


This is set at the beginning of Season 8 when Cas tells Dean that he had chosen to stay in purgatory and that Dean cannot save everybody. So much implied Destiel in this show… I had to use this! I change the end of said episode, Naomi doesn't call Cas to her in my version.

Warnings: Dom!Cas, kind of aggressive and against a wall… I love it ;)

**To Save You/Unleashed**

There he is standing in front of me, the man who means as much to me as Sammy, maybe more, and he just showed me what really happened in purgatory: it was him who let go of my hand. I wasn't too weak to hold him, he had chosen to stay in there without me, he wanted to be tortured and it kills me to know that he did this to himself. When we stood in front of the passage I was hoping to get us both out of there, I wanted him to be by my side when I stepped back into the normal world. Damn it, I wanted him safe, I was nearly dying to know that he was still trapped in there and now he tells me it was his own choice. I'm Fuming, my hands are fists by my sides and I'm about to punch the shit out of him right here and now when he opens his mouth to speak again.

"You cannot save everyone my friend." The angel says, making the rage that boils within me even harder to suppress. "It just doesn't work."

Cas is so right, he knows what he's talking about. I haven't been able to save Jo and Ellen, I wasn't able to save Bobby, even Sammy died before because I wasn't able to save him. I have learnt that I can't live with all those dead friends and family, I can't deal with the guilt and terror. If Cas had died it would've killed me, too because I need him. When he left me alone in purgatory I felt betrayed and abandoned and in the few nights alone I found out why: I need him by my side, I need him safe and happy and in one piece. It made me highly nervous not to know if he was still alive or if something had already killed him, I wasn't able to concentrate on anything until I found him by that river, my heart leaping into my throat and nearly onto my tongue, but I kept myself back from blurting out my feelings in such a place and with a witness like Benny…

I'm not sure if I care that Sammy is close by to Cas and me, now, as well as Kevin and his mum, but I care about the damn angel in front of me and I'm angry that he let go of my hand. I see red and with a growl I reach out to grab the lapels of that trench coat and slam his back against my car, his head falling back onto the cold metal, but he's an angel, he will live through it.

"Damn it, Cas!" It is inevitable that I scream directly into his face, I'm so angry, so hurt, so lost. His blue eyes are confused but within a second he regains his composure and stares right ahead into mine and I wanna punch his face for this unafraid look. The angel knows that he has nothing to fear, he's stronger than I am, he can wipe me off the surface of this planet with just his willpower though I know he won't. "I thought it was my fault. I thought I lost you in there forever." My voice is so loud by now that the whole city must hear it… "It scared the shit out of me."

"I deserved to stay in purgatory. It was my punishment and I had to accept it." Cas says and his voice sounds call and even. He really has accepted that he didn't deserve to be saved but he did. I had the right to serve him, because even a Winchester wants to be happy from time to time. And I'm definitely NOT happy when my angel stays behind and in danger.

"The fuck you deserved! Damn, you had a choice and you chose to leave me. Again!" As my voice rose even more I feel my brother walk up behind me, of course he heard me scream at the angel.

"The most important thing is that you are safe, Dean." Castiel says but this time his voice wasn't as calm as before, maybe he can now see that it had hurt me more than he would have thought and in his steel blue eyes I can see something shift into place. He has just realized something. Oh, angel, I can read you like an open book, don't try to hide anything from me. I have watched you too often and too close to miss even the slightest change in your moods. This is what I think when I shake him again.

"Dean. It's enough, stop it." Sam's voice interrupts me and I really stop, but still press Cas against my car so hard that I can feel his collar bones cut into my skin where I grab his lapels. My breath hitches. I wanna feel them under my fingers, I wanna let my hands glide over his soft skin to make sure that he's alive. I'm shocked but maybe I have seen it coming because I recover quickly.

"He left me, Sam. Do you even know what it was like to wander through purgatory on my own, not even knowing if he was still alive? Do you know what it feels like to worry about the one you lo…" I stop dead when it dawns on me what I was about to say. Too late because I can see Sammy's mouth turn into a smirk slowly but surely. Fuck! It takes me just a second to let go of Cas' trench coat and flee into my car. I don't think about what I'm doing when I start it and drive away, only faintly registering that the tires screech when I drive off.

XxX

I found a bar. Of course I did, I always do when I'm in trouble. At first it was my plan to find myself a nice girl to lay but it wouldn't feel right after what just happened. It never feels right since I came back from purgatory, I haven't had a girl since then just because it would be wrong. Because I think of Cas all the time. I think about his blue eyes, about his chapped lips and raven black hair, I think about the sound of his voice when he laughs – a rare and precious sound – I think about the wrinkles next to his eyes when he smiles, I think about his commanding voice when he wants to end a discussion without me arguing and I think about the things it does to me and the electric jolts that this voice sends down my spine into my groin.

Castiel is not only a stunningly beautiful man, he's also one of the most gentle and caring people I have ever known. He's so loyal, he always tries to do what's best for all and for me and most important: he makes me feel as if I matter something. I know I'm just a hunter – not even a very smart one – and he's an angel treating me like an equal.

My heart aches when I think about how I have ruined everything just an hour ago and I empty another glass of Whiskey in one go to stop this hurting feeling within my chest. It doesn't work this time, I don't become numb, I can still feel how broken I am. Shit. I would never have guessed that it would be an angel in a male vessel who would make me feel love again. In the past I've tried to steel my heart against every feeling but obviously it didn't work.

It is early morning when I stumble out of the bar and somehow find my way back to Sam's and my motel room. I'm not half as drunk as I had planned, I still feel the pain inside me when I fall onto my head to bury my head into the pillow. Was there a noise next to my bed? I turn my head to find Sam stand right in front of me and before I can tell him to leave me the fuck alone he sits down on my mattress and begins to speak.

"I know what it feels like to lose the one you love, Dean." He begins, making me feel sad and hurt and panicky all over again. "And I know that my loss is part of the reason that you sleep on your stomach every night. You're afraid to find him up there, screaming and burning like I found Jess." The sadness is still present when he speaks about his fiancée, he still misses her and I hate that he has nailed my problem down so perfectly. "He hurt you. But he meant well, Dean, he will always make sure that you're safe, no matter the costs. He wouldn't stand it if you died. And you're just the same."

I sit up and face my brother, knowing that I look like a mess. Partly because I'm tired beyond belief and my hair sticks out in every direction, partly because I'm drunk and can't sit up straight and partly because of the tears I can feel run down my face.

"Tell him, Dean." Sam insists and I shiver when I think about it too closely. "I guess he already knows. If he will… not be here anymore you will regret that you waited. I wish I had told Jess earlier because we would have had more time. You know that our job is dangerous. It could be you who gets killed tomorrow, or me, or him. So tell him." I'm well aware that he's right in everything he says.

"The people we love die too soon." I whisper in defense. I don't even deny that I'm in love with my best friend.

"But you love him. No matter what. If he dies or lives does NOT depend on what you feel for him and what you tell him." I'm not even sure why I'm still sitting here, listening to him because this topic is SO out of my comfort zone that I should try to run away again. But as it hasn't worked before I give up and listen. "I will leave, now." Sam says and I panic.

"What? Why? I… Sam!" I stop stammering when he barks out a laugh as I panic.

"I'll only drive back to the bunker. You will stay here and pray for Cas to come. Maybe he has mercy on you." With these words my brother gets up from my bed and walks towards the door, leaving me alone and in silence. So I will pray for Cas. He always comes when I call for him, I hope he will listen this time, my last words and actions hadn't been exactly friendly. Fuck.

With a sigh I get up from the bed and go over to the tiny bathroom. The light stings in my eyes and when I look into a mirror I found a dead man staring back at me. Maybe three handfuls of water will do, so I go for it and make sure that the tears are all washed away. How could it have happen anyway? I always hated crying in front of others but tonight my mind was just too preoccupied to notice it properly. Another glance into the mirror tells me that I look slightly presentable and so I go back to my bed to sit down cross legged on the sheets.

"Cas…? I know I screwed up royally today, but please… I need to see you." My mouth forms the words on its own and I'm glad for it because otherwise I might have lost my courage to summon my angel to me. Before I have even mouthed the last word I hear the faintest rustle of wings and the beautiful man appears in the middle of the room, his arms limply by his side as usual and his wonderful eyes turned towards me with a silent question in them.

"Hello Dean." His deep voice sends shivers down my spine and I feel heat pool in my chest and groin. Only he can do this to me, no woman has ever made me feel so damn alive as he does. I get up from where I sit and slowly walk over towards him, doubts and hopes battling within me. What if he doesn't feel like I do? What if he will just fly off and never come back to me again? Could I live without my angel?

"I'm sorry for what I have said earlier." I say. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"You shouldn't have stopped." He says, his head tilted to the side slightly. This gesture tortures me in the sweetest way. So he knows what I nearly yelled at him and he waits for me to say something, he urges me to say the words he wants to hear. Does my angel really want this? I'm not sure if Heaven even allows its children to fall in love, maybe it's a sin and he'll fall because of me… My eyes roam over his face restlessly, I try to find answers in his wonderful features but his face is blank, he just stares at me, there is no emotion, not even the slightest raise of a corner of his mouth, nothing.

Then my eyes fall into blue depths and I drown in the ocean of love and adoration I find. It's not written all over his face but in his eyes that betray his calm mask. He is as nervous as I am, he longs to hear what I've got to say and so I step closer to him with a hesitating smile on my face. Now it is me invading his personal space but he doesn't step back, he holds my gaze and gives me the strength I need to go on with my life. My hands reach for his face, wander over his cheeks and he closes his eyes, his lips parting ever so slightly as Cas exhales raggedly. My fingers caress every inch of that precious face, I can't make them stop because Cas feels so good, so right under them as electricity sparks from my fingertips through my whole body. Fuck, I want him so.

"I – I love you, Cas." I finally manage to get out. Not a second later my angel is all over me. I didn't see it coming, I'm not even sure how he managed to move to fast but then I honestly don't care. Cas' arm is thrown around my waist, he pulls me close to him, nearly dragging me off my feet and while my mind still processes what this might mean, his lips crush against mine in a fierce kiss, instantly slipping his warm tongue over my lips to split them and lick his way into my mouth. I moan involuntarily, unable to hold it back and it is all I can do to not come into my pants right then and there.

My mind works on overload, then short-circuits. I grab onto Cas for dear life, one hand grabbing the fabric of his trench coat, the other dives into his hair and I bury it in those wonderful raven black strands, pressing him closer – even if that is not really possible in our position. I'm about to collapse because my knees give in, when he slams my back against a wall so hard that the breath is knocked out of me for a second. I whimper from pain and please and because this is more intense than I could ever imagine. Cas wants me. Obviously. My hearts is soothed though it picks up speed again as Cas' hands sneak down over my chest and stomach only to wander under my shirt and up again over my stomach. His fingers are so hot against my skin and I deepen the kiss. I wanna taste more, I wanna have all of him and now.

I never expected that Cas would take lead in this, that he would dominate my mouth and body the way he does. He barely gives me room to touch him but I so want to let my hands glide over his sides, I wanna feel the curve of his body, I wanna rest my hands on his hips and stroke the skin there. In a far corner of my mind I remember that he still wears his clothes and this disturbs me. Eagerly I push the trench coat of his shoulders, along with the suit jacket he wears underneath. Normally I love the way he dressed – it's just him – but now every new piece of fabric I discover is offending and needs to be taken off of him. I rip his shirt open, the buttons flying everywhere which causes him to stop ravishing my mouth and look into my eyes. His pupils are blown wide, he's like a predator and if possible my jeans got even tighter this very second.

"So eager…" He whispers and I groan when I hear that his voice is even rougher than normal. Shit, I never thought that it could get so damn hot to finally feel him against my body. If I had known I would have told him earlier… It takes three tries until I find my voice and until I'm able to form words with my tongue that is just eager to feel more of him…

"Don't stop." My voice is barely audible but he hears me. "Cas, please…" I urge him to go on, my hands frantically trying to get his undershirt out of his slacks but he grabs my wrists and presses them to the wall above my head. My head falls back and my eyes close. I never knew that I love to be manhandled. With my neck so submissively exposed he uses the opportunity to attack it with his lips and teeth, nibbling gently, biting, licking… I come apart so fast that I barely know myself any more. He licks his way over to my ear, gently nibbling the lobe, sucking it into his mouth with such utter tenderness that I'm about to weep. And maybe – just maybe, right!? – there are already tears stinging at the back of my eyes. I have never felt so much joy and happiness in my entire life, I have never felt so wanted and loved before. This is great, better than anything and I know that I will become addicted to this man and what he does to me.

"Say it again!" His raspy voice commands and his hot breath caresses my ear, making me squirm against his body. We haven't said much in the last few minutes and I try to remember what I have said what he might wanna hear me say again. "Tell me again that you love me, Dean." Oh… So I'm not the only one who's eager and it fills me with unknown pleasure that he wants me to repeat my words that brought us into this position. I gather my thoughts and try to remember how my mouth works, how to form words, but with him sucking on my collarbone it isn't that easy. I moan before I can say anything, my knees buckling.

"I love you, Cas. I so fuckin' love you." I'm rewarded with a bite to the soft flesh where neck meets shoulder that will surely leave a mark for the world to see and it makes me proud that he feels the urge to do something like this. The way he treats me right now makes sure that he will keep me forever, that I will always be his.

My hands struggle to get free, I need to touch him again, I have to get him out of his slacks as soon as possible and I also need to get rid of my own clothes. I still wear my shirt and jeans but I wanna feel him skin on skin so urgently. Cas' hand only grabs my wrists harder, slamming them against the wall again to underline that he is stronger and has power over me. Shit, this _so_ turns me on. I always knew that he was strong, I always knew that he was the leader of a garrison in Heaven but I never knew that he would dominate me in bed. Or against the wall or whatever….

"Stop struggling, Dean. Leave it all to me." Cas coos against my neck and looks up into my eyes from his position. This gaze nearly kills me, he's so stunningly handsome and downright hot with his disheveled hair and his lips that are red from our kisses. "I have put you back together, remember?" He goes on and his free hand opens the upper button of my shirt where he kisses newly revealed skin eagerly. I don't see his point. In fact I don't see anything at the moment because my body is fully concentrated on his treatment and caresses. "I know every cell of your body, every inch of your skin." He opens another button. God, why does he go so slow, this is torture! My tattoo is revealed and his lips trace over it slowly, gently. "I know your desires. I know what you want, Dean, because I know you inside out." He steps even closer to me, bringing our bodies flush together. "And I know how I can make you come undone. I _will_ make you come undone."

"Cas…." I whisper, forlorn at his words. He really knows what he does, even the talking does wicked things to me.

"Shh… I will make you scream soon enough." By now I'm sure he will keep up to his promise and to underline his words his free hand opens the rest of the buttons and he lets his hand glide over my stomach, tickles my side lovingly to then let it rest at the small of my back and down still, into the waistline of my jeans, into my boxers only to land on my ass, pulling my lower body closer to his own while he squeezes.. My breath hitches in my throat when our hips meet with such force, not even able to force a moan out of my chest. I'm well aware that his eyes watch my face as I throw my head back – again… - and open my mouth in a silent scream. I need my hands free, I need to touch him. God, I'm so lost to him.

Finally his hot skin is against mine. Cas makes me feel so alive. I have never been touched this way and it is exciting and arousing to no end. I don't wanna wait any longer, I wanna feel even more of him but he's the one who sets the pace and so I just whimper.

"Please, Cas, wanna…" A moan when he moves his hips lazily against mine. "…wanna feel you." Our hard erections slide together but there are too many clothes between them. My angel looks into my eyes again, smiles coyly and blinks. Our clothes are gone and I feel his hot flesh against mine so suddenly that my hips shot forward to seek more of that sweet friction. A long moan escapes from my lips, I'm trembling like a leaf in Cas' arms, so fuckin' ready to be taken.

Castiel still holds my hands above my head while his other hand wanders lower on my back, carefully, gently brushing over the tight ring of muscles before he pushes one finger into me. It hurts a bit but I don't care, I just want _more_ I need him, I'm dying to have him in me. His lips brush against my ear, he licks his tongue over the shell and I make some unmanly noises, coming apart piece by piece just as he has planned.

"I will _ruin_ you, Dean." He promises. "You will never even think of sleeping with someone else. You will be mine for the rest of your life!" His hips roll against mine deliciously slow while he pushes another finger into me, adding to the wonderful feeling of being invaded by an angel. My angel.

"Yes." I answer between a hiss and a sigh, pressing myself closer to his hand, urging him to go deeper and he does while adding another finger to prepare me for what I long to feel. "Please, Cas, please... Need you." The rest of the words that leave my tongue are not coherent, because his fingers fuck into me, making me gasp. I try to get my hands free again, I wanna hold onto him, press him even closer to me but he won't let me. Cas goes on and on until I'm just a begging mess in his arms, moaning, whimpering, groaning.

A little scream escapes me when he pulls his fingers out of my body without any warning and attacks my mouth with passionate kisses. I swear I'm dead and have gone to heaven. I don't even notice that he has released my wrists but in the end they come down and around his neck where I press my nails into his back and they sure as hell will leave marks.

"Cas. _Cas! _Fuck... Take me already." His hands wander down over my back again, they squeeze my ass again, weighing it in his palms, adoring me with every touch and it feels better than anything I have ever felt. It is so good to finally feel loved. Really, truly loved. Then his hands wander lower to the back of my thighs, making me wrap my legs around his waist. Oh sweet Jesus, I can feel his hard cock against my ass.

"Relax, love." My angel whispers, his hands running through my hair in a soothing gesture, calming me down, distracting me from what is about to come. It doesn't hurt as much as I've expected, I'm so ready for him, so happy that he just called me 'love'. I don't feel much pain, I just feel him as my body relaxes and adjusts to Cas filling me completely. Fuck, he's so close to me as I have always dreamed of and I let my head fall back with a content sigh, tears running over my face when I finally realize that Cas wants me. That he _has_ me.

"Did I hurt you?" Cas asks with a bit of concern in his voice. His thumb brushes away the tears but the gentleness behind his words and his gesture make me weep even more. It has never felt so good before to sleep with a woman because they just were not Cas. I was made just for him, I live just to love and please him and in this very second I just want him to go on and fuck my senses out of me.

"Cas... God, Cas. You feel so good." I'm not even sure how my mouth is able to form a coherent sentence. I shiver when his lips brush over my neck, nibbling slightly before biting down.

"Good." He moans, pulls out of me nearly completely and pushed back into my body with one smooth thrust. He does it again and again and I'm finally feeling only pleasure. The next stroke is teasing me, he goes deliberately slow and hits my sweet spot when he's fully sheathed within me again. My eyes fly open and my whole body begins to shake. For now I'm able to suppress the scream that wants to rise in my chest. I have to screw my eyes shut again and for a moment I have to concentrate on not coming already like a horny and inexperienced teenager.

This is all so new to me but it is so good, it feels so right, so gloriously good because it is Cas who flawlessly fucks into me, his mouth never leaving my neck. He will leave marks, he will make sure that the world will see that I'm his when he's done with me. Oh, yes. I'm _so _his.

I'm trembling like a leaf after a few minutes of this wonderful treatment I cannot hold back any longer. Cas' fingernails dig into my hips where he holds me firmly pressed against the wall and I hear his moans and grunts. It arouses me more than anything else because it means that he enjoys it. My angel enjoys taking me and it makes me dizzy.

"Look at me, Dean." Cas' dark voice whispers and it takes me a moment to grab what he just told me. "I want to see your eyes when you come." This is it. He buries himself deep inside my body, pressing his tip against that point that makes me see stars and with a lot of willpower I look into his eyes. Fuck. His gorgeous blue eyes bore into mine possessively, driving me insane and even closer to the edge. With a wicked smile he leans closer to my face, brushes his lips over my cheek. My eyes are wide, I need release and the feeling that pools in my groin tells me that I won't last any longer.

"I love you, Dean Winchester." He drawls into my ear with a sweet sigh. That is when I scream his name in ecstasy and come wildly over both our stomachs, making him pant heavily before I feel his cock twitch within me before he releases himself inside of me, grabbing my back as I cling to him for dear life.

For a few seconds we just stand there but we're both exhausted and so he carries me over to the bed and gently lowers me onto the mattress. My angel's eyes sparkle when he looks down at me before he straddles my hips.

"I'm not even close to being done with you, love." He grins and I lean back into the pillows, exhausted but my cock is already interested in what he has just said.

"I'm yours, sweetheart."

**END**

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